Running On Empty

I hate running on empty.

It’s that feeling where you know you are on the very last bit of fuel.

It’s where you wonder if you have enough left to really carry you to the next stop.

It’s the part where you feel drained. Body, mind, spirit, everything feels simply drained. Empty. Worn out. Down to the last drop.

Lately I’ve been running on empty and that’s when the raw end of life has been exposed. It’s tempting to want to deny it and suppress or downplay the stress of life. Everyone has stress, right? So, everyone should know when they’re running on empty, right? Not really.

That’s the part where the temptation comes. Maybe if I deny it I can make it until things are right again… Maybe I can fake it and pass everything off with a bright enough smile to convince everyone, including myself, that everything’s “fine.” Maybe I just need a little extra excitement in my life to get me going again, the excitement that I know will leave me feeling wrong but hey, I need this right now…right?

I’m finally getting my rest tonight and it’s not just from sleep. I still feel worn out and drained, that’s just the season of life that I’m in right now. But I’m slowly feeling my energy and joy returning. There’s life coming to me again. It’s the fact that I’m making a conscious effort to release my hold on areas of my life that I should never try to control. That’s God’s job, not mine, and I was never created to run on empty.

Tonight my prayer is King David’s from Psalm 23, “You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.” Fill my cup, Lord. Fill my heart. Renew a right spirit, a full and fresh spirit, inside of me.

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